Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sometimes you play with the puppies, sometimes you step in the poo.

This, I suppose, is why I called my blog "a walk in the dog park" to begin with.. because sometimes it's not that great. sometimes you get some crap on your shoe that just won't get off.

Its been 10 months since my last post.
We have a lot to talk about.
In the last 10 months, Shane got laid off, Boston passed away, we pulled down a wall in our house that closed in the staircase, I got laid off, we got a new Dane named Kaptain. There was a tornado, a hurricane, and straight line winds, which damaged our roof and murdered 3 of our trees - one of which was a cherry tree that would have brought me cherries this year :(
Also, I started Extreme Couponing, and started a new couponing blog ( Shane found a new job, had laser eye surgery, and we began fostering a fox terrier mix. Somewhere in all of that, we got new neighbors, (  she found out she's pregnant with a baby girl (yay babies!), another set of neighbors decided to sell their house and move away (literally they're packing the truck while i am typing, btw.. i'm a bad neighbor) AND we celebrated our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

I'll be honest, this is not exactly the fairytale I dreamed of for our first year of marriage.
I try very hard to remind myself it could have been worse, and it certainly could have been. We didn't lose power during the hurricane, whereas our neighbors' house nearly blew up. Shane and I were both awarded unemployment benefits, without which I can't imagine what we would have done. My extreme couponing kept food on the table during the most financially pressing times. And most importantly we still have each other, and friends and family that love us. We are truly blessed.

But holy crap what a bad year.
Really, that's only some of it. There are still things looming over our heads and little things that eat away at us from day to day.
I'm freaking exhausted. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, economically.. perfectly exhausted.

But what's worse is the feeling of being so stagnant. I have no milestones to report, no accomplishments, because I'm stuck. We can't continue working on the house because we don't have the spare income, I can't go back to school because I don't have the spare income, Shane is working 12 hour shifts, so his plans for going back to school may not be feasible.
I can't even show Kaptain because we can't justify the entry fees.
I feel as though I'm being rejected in every aspect of my life, and therefore I am completely out of motivation. I fight myself constantly to get involved in things - to work on a craft project, to go to lunch with a friend, to send out ANOTHER resume, to try another recipe,
So now you know where I've been for the last 10 months. I certainly had not planned a hiatus, but a blogger usually spends her day asking "Can i make this blogworthy?" and after a while the resounding "no, this sucks" takes over, and I eventually stopped asking. I am completely out of the passion that normally fuels such things.

However - it is the holiday season, I have cooking to do for my parent's annual Christmas Eve Eve party, which I look forward to every year. So, if for no other reason than to reacquire my sanity, I'm going to blog about it.
In addition, starting next week I'll be kidsitting a trio of rambunctious children a couple afternoons a week. So, I plan on exploiting them for their enthusiasm and childhood exuberance to get some crafty stuff done
and MAYBE, just maybe.. I can find a little excitement in the process.